Shakespeare and the P320

LIGHTER SIDE OF THE SPEAR

Marc Antony mourns Julius Caesar while holding the P320 that killed him. Sig’s CEO, Brutus, watches from the gallery while fingering his company’s pistol, mumbling, “Today, it all ends.”

By DOC SPEARS

In a previous blog I shared a greatly expanded version of a brief post I made on X and elsewhere, describing the circumstances of the wounding of a close friend by his P320 that occurred WITHOUT any manipulation of the trigger on his part.

My post spread like proverbial wildfire, and was shared by many in the firearms industry. This resulted in the plethora of Sig related memes dominating social media, and the inevitable arguments in the comments.

Sig’s CEO quickly issued a terse statement denying any provable issues with the P320 and further, blamed the victims. He accused the claimants and their supporters of not only avoiding personal responsibility and of a profit motive, but of anti-2A sentiment.

His disaster of an attempt to silence all claims against the P320 will go down in the history of bad PR when he summoned the gravitas of Moses on Sinai to declare, “Today, it all ends.”

My response was to take the high road.

For those not familiar with Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, the forum scene is where Marc Antony shapes the fate of Rome following Caesar’s assassination. With great rhetorical cunning, Antony undermines Brutus’s claims as to the great service to the Republic Caesar’s murder was. Antony’s sarcasm builds slowly, using Brutus’s own declarations of being an honorable man to great effect against him.

I thought my satire especially appropriate to the circumstances. It’s a little high-brow for social media, so didn’t get much notice, but I also put it up the morning X got bombed by a cyber-attack from Ukraine, so who knows who actually saw it?

For your amusement, I share it here.

Julius Caesar Act 3, Scene 2

(With apologies to the Bard)

Friends, militia, Americans, lend me your ears.

I come to consider those wounded by their P320, not to exonerate them.

The noble Sig hath told you they are blameless,

And grievously, the wounded have protested.

Here, under leave of Sig and their devoted,

For Sig is an honorable company,

I come to speak in this forum for my wounded brother,

Faithful and just to his country and himself.

But Sig says he is at fault.

And Sig is an honorable company.

They have brought many armaments to our citizens, and provided for defense and security.

And Sig says it is not possible for the P320 to discharge unless the trigger is fully actuated.

And Sig is an honorable company.

And many score have been wounded since 2023, perhaps more unknown, with many lawsuits settled.

And Sig says the trigger was activated, and the wounded are seeking to profit and avoid personal responsibility.

And Sig is an honorable company.

When those seeking knowledge and virtue at arms, men such as he has trained those novices to avoid mistakes, and lived a life of selfless honor in all actions.

Avarice and ambition should be made of sterner stuff.

Yet Sig says the wounded are anti-2A,

And Sig is an honorable company.

I speak not to disprove what Sig spoke,

But here I am to speak what I do know.

You all did love the warrior once, not without cause—

What cause holds you then to doubt them?

O judgement, thou art fled to internet fan-boy beasts,

And men have lost their reason!—Bear with me.

My heart is in the hospital bed with my wounded friend,

And I must pause till it come back to me.

P.S. My buddy is still in the hospital, but doing better. He appreciates everyone’s prayers and well wishes.

Doc